Beauty in Personal Peril

Recently, I couldn't remember how I lived my days. But I had this scene in my head for the longest time, and I can't seem to remember if it was an actual memory, or something imagined. 

Picture this: You were supposed to run an errand on a late midweek afternoon, the clouds have been pretty considerate to veil the sun, and it's pretty windy. You know you have to pass some files over to your client at, say, Marine Parade. You drive past East Coast Park. Good memories come pouring in. Riding with this feeling of nostalgia, you unwind your car window. A buzzy, fast moving breeze enters your vehicle. 

Your brain tells you to drop off your files to the nice client who is going to buy you coffee to thank you for your hard work.

But instead you drop all your tasks at hand, "who cares about what the brain says!", and then you make a turn, park illegally because you have no idea why it's so bloody crowded during midweek and started walking towards Bedok Jetty. 

Bedok Jetty. It's about 300 meters to the end of the jetty. You walk towards the end and then, you pull out your trusty cigarettes. The works: snap the lighter, inhale, and enjoy the breeze. 

Exhale. For once in your life, you observed the sea closely. Because you noticed the waves are stronger than you think you can manage. How long has it been since you swam? You have no idea. But you know it's gonna be a long time down there if you hit the water. 

Then a sudden surge of impulse hits you: You want to jump right into it. The same urge that reminds you that you're just another molecule in the vast body of water. To move on with the current.
But of course you did not jump in. You finish that goddamned cigarette with the longest drag you can manage and then you text your client saying you got lost and you will be late. You still want that coffee, you'd tell yourself.

And with that thought in mind, you chase after clients meetings and coffees mindlessly for the next five years. 

Life is a little strange, because the moment you stopped chasing, the world stops churning, you realised you have nothing. And that 'nothing' you have, is beautiful.